that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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