i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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