I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
