Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
