Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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