Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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