Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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