I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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