Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
