soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
