haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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