I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
