i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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