Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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