I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
