come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
