i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
