how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
