in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize