Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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