ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
