I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
