If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
