I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"