Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.