The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.