i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
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I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
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I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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