Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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