i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
