And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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