Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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