i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
My ATM looks so different sober.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
As shirtless as possible
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
