Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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