Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
