you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
