I wish i was in the wii world.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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