We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
