Just fell off a train. Bad.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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