I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
