Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
