We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
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