Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
