Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
