Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Randomize
