I should be sponsored by Trojan
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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