he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
