She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
