never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
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