this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
