Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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