omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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