She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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