Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
