I wanna passion pit in your ass
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
