I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
