im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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