I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
