i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
