Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
