She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
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it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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