You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
