my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
