Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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