please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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