Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
