i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
