well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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