i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
