you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
