I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
