why do cheetos always look like penises
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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