There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
