Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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