I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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