im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
