yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
