I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
