No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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