He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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