Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
