I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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